I’ve always gone my own way, for better or for worse. I don’t take too well to rules, unless I agree with those rules. You might say, I’m a woman of principle, and unfortunately, principles that I’ve cobbled together from my own experience. I stick around with a philosophy just long enough to take what I want, and once I start to get that One True Way feeling, I go back on the road and keep looking. There are great ideas out in the world. Useful, pragmatic ideas and principles can be found worldwide, along with a fair amount of bullshit. Even good ideas can have their zealots, and ruin it for everyone else. I am a pragmatist with anarchistic tendencies.
I’ve never had a guru. There have been a handful of people that have ended up as quasi-mentors or actual mentors, but the last one I recall having was in high school, and she was fired for being a bitchy badass (or so I remember.) I chucked organized religion when I failed to find a group that suited me, or could give actual answers to my questions. I’m not always proud of my stubbornness. You see, I’d like to have a guru, teacher, or some person or ideal that I could trust to not be full if it. I’m sure there are people out there that fit the bill at least 85% of the time, which may be good enough for me. The fact is, I just haven’t found them yet.
This tendency to reject teachers extends to child-rearing philosophies. I’ve rejected pretty much every mommyblog I’ve come across because so many of them are full of self-absorbed, self-righteous, insecure ramblings that I wonder what this person was like before they had kids. I’ll admit, to engage in blogging is to engage in a certain amount of those things, but I find it particularly abrasive when the topic is children, and the million things you could possibly be getting wrong.
My parenting style has become much like my personal philosophy. I’ve listened to a lot of opinions, and as time has worn on, I’ve started rejecting more and more. I admit, it leaves me a little more blind than I’d like, because in the absence of local maternal figures, commercial TV, parenting magazines and mommyblogs, I’m just kind of going with it from what I’ve accumulated through cursory reads of books and blogs, doctors visits, and some gleanings from our parents’ group. What I’m finding is that I do want peers, or perhaps even mentors/helpers, but there’s so much bullshit that especially as a full-time awesome (aka mom) I don’t have the energy to find them.
The peers I long for are my philosophical peers. They are people who are pragmatists that walk the middle path. They are people that probably wouldn’t want to join a club that would have them as a member. And, I would like to say they have an aversion to anxiety, but I would like to make it clear that it would not be immunity to anxiety. Just an aversion, as in the case of reading a mommyblog that provokes anxiety, they immediately go BULLSHIT and close the page. And finally, my peers are those who have maintained their own structural integrity, but have started to integrate their child into their lives, versus integrating themselves into their child’s life. My life has definitely changed since having my kid, but I’m much the same as I was before, I just have another variable. It’s sometimes challenging, but for the most part, not more than I would have anticipated. (Especially after the rude awakening of motherhood after the first six months.)
The hardest part is to find focus to move forward, but that’s been a problem of mine with or without a kid. Let’s face it, I’ve got some ADHD tendencies, and unstructured time is not my friend. I’ve put some books on hold at the library, and I’ll be trying to take advantage of more community programs. As always, it’s a start – maybe I can find a
– The basics in this book are a lifesaver for the first three months. Read this book, if you can, before the baby is born. It’s seriously one of the best things you can do for yourself and your baby. Which brings me to one of the keys of the Happiest Baby…
velcro-enhanced swaddles – These are key for those times you’re too tired to re-swaddle using the swaddling techniques in Happiest Baby on the Block
– you (or someone else!) can make swaddle cloths using a 4’x4′ piece of muslin or flannel, but if you just need to buy some to start, this is a great way to do it.
– I borrowed a Medela bump from a friend, and also rented a hospital grade pump. This was spendy, but wonderful to have if I needed to move around while pumping.
(and 
) – People laugh about how much you can spend on strollers, but the Maclaren is worth it, if you compare it to other strollers in its class. This folds easy, is light enough to carry and has a carrying strap. The rain cover is the easiest to deploy of all stroller covers I’ve tried. Skip the City Mini and pretty much any other stroller, and if you just buy one stroller, buy the Maclaren Quest.
and 
– This is an excessively expensive stroller. It’s great for around the neighborhood if you’re in a more urban center. I like the cocoon for making it into a mini-pram, but it’s still super compact, unlike other strollers.
– We wanted to breast feed, but ran into supply issues. This was crucial, especially when traveling.
– This is a great carrier that works for the long haul. Definitely not for the totally new-born, but great once they hit 12 lbs.
– I loved my super-snuggly Moby for the first few months. I highly recommend it as a first carrier.
Iron Head Jane 